Saturday, April 16, 2005

Sometimes I'm in search of a break.

I tend to dwell on things a great deal. This is partly because I've never really accepted that things negative must be so, and partly because an unfortunate occasional coping mechanism I have for unpleasant duties is to postpone them, which of course, just continues their trouble to me.

So occasionally, given the way things kind of pile up, I go looking for a break. Sometimes it's a night out, or going to sleep early, or even a vacation to Salt Lake City. Unfortunately, these things don't always turn out to be breaks. Sometimes they contain drama of their own, and they rarely entirely insulate me from incumbent responsibility. So their therapeutic factor is questionable.

Being an introspective sort, I of course feel somewhat responsible for this. I am, in a weak sense, guilty when my recreating fails. I feel as though the value is low. "I should feel better, I took four days off!' after all.

Things aren't so simple sometimes. Marginal and indirect benefit.

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