God, I barely manage to wake up, drag myself to the computer, check my email, and now I'm upset, I feel like I should throw up. Indifference is so crushing. No matter how you try to prepare yourself for it...

That hope against hope when you see the possibility, and you look, and you were wrong. But you already knew that.

I hate being sad this way. It's so preventable, so easy to see. But I still pretend it might not happen. That there will be a day without it.

Someday it won't always be just confirmation of fears... dreaming of a day it isn't so almost makes it worse.